To start off , this week has been a blessing. It has opened my eyes up to a lot of things I need to be doing and all of the works God is blessing my family with. Recently, probably two weeks or so ago, I had a long heart to heart conversation with my Father. On a level I have never talked to him about before. I was able to talk him through a rough time in his life. Words and sentences coming from my mouth I never knew I had in me. He was informing me on what was going on in his life, said that he had quit drinking, since my mother passed 3 and a half years ago and that he had finally found a job. I questioned "Dad, do you see whats going on?" He asked "what do you mean?" I said the blessings you have been receiving, God is calling you to him. ( I would not have stated, but it was clearly obvious and he was not seeing it) He gave you the strength to finally quit the habit you've been trying so long to rid your life of. You found a job after searching for such a long time. By the end of the conversation he said he was going back to church om Sunday. This was a Saturday night. I am in another state and I got to share that moment with him. It was such an incredible feeling to be part of my dads choice to put his trust in God again.

Another thing, my brother recently had staph infection which had turned into MRSA. He struggled with it for about a month, having three different allergic reactions to medicines and gaining more infection while in the hospital. All of this led to $27,800 in bills. Not including $4,000 in doctor check ups after. my brother was stressing how on earth he was going to pay it back over the years, I said I'd help him with what I could, rent, utilities whatever he may need. Come to find out on Sunday after I got out of church, the hospital covered all $27,800 of his hospital bill since Disney wouldn't. I was teared up once I heard that. Now, all he has to worry about is his rent for this month, $4,000 in medical and some credit cards. That was such a miracle. Miracles only God can pull off.

Other than that, in my life, the kids are doing wonderful. This weekend after work I took them to the park for a picnic. Turned off all distractions and played with them. We played golf, with the golf set Jacob was given by the Benson's. Also, played soccer and baseball. Technically we played basketball, but it was with the soccer ball. haha I took them to this awesome park with Cindy Friday after work and they had this awesome really fast slide, I enjoyed more than the kids. Oh, and a nifty spinny chair, that I again enjoyed more than the kids. haha =]

Yesterday, was the mark of a year on moving away from FL again. Looking back form living in a van with the kids to being homeless. I have come a long way. I don't regret any of the choices I've made and all the hardships I endured. I never thought I would make it. I didn't think in my whole life I could work four jobs. Looking back now I don't remember how I was even handling the two. Burton's has been a lot more stressful now, so that may be why.

I love being a Mom. I know its weird, but I remember when I was in school I would pack my friends lunches everyday and write them little notes. ha =] That's just me. It is getting lonely here though, but I'm making it through. I'm trying to kick off my Mary Kay again to help my brother out with some of his bills. Its helping a bit so far.

Well, that's it for now, I need to go pick up the chitlens. haha =] Hope all is well with everyone else. I just felt the need to share that story with you.

Update:


To start off I have definitely not had the time to update in a while due to the fact I've been working 70 hours at Burtons. Our other service advisor is still out and we won't be getting him out until the end of the month. On the plus side, hard work pays off because I got a 50 cent raise!!! Woo hoo!!




The kids are doing wonderful, my sitter has been teaching them so many things. Joseph is so intelligent. I guess he should be since his head is less than an inch bigger than Jakies. Joseph now weighs 26lbs and Jacob is 29lbs. Go figure. haha I do have custody of them now. I want to try to plan a trip to Florida again in the fall.

again I do not have time to finish but hopefully can tomorrow =]

**I want to make a note about this passage before you read, at times it may sound negative, but I had no intent on it to be perceived that way. I am blessed everyday by Gods grace and believe in my heart I am being led down the best path. This was merely to get stuff off my chest instead of keeping it in.***

I’ve come a long way since I last wrote. Also, I’m a different person since then. It definitely hasn’t been the easiest road. I am glad to say I am doing well though. =] Since being ‘left’ in this wonderful state of Virginia, I have worked hard to support my children. I’m not perfect and there have been times where I have wanted to give up, but God keeps lifting me up and keeps me moving forward. The amazing Benson family took me in when I didn’t have anywhere else to go. They took me in, so I wasn’t living in the van with Jacob and Joseph, as we were doing while living in Florida. They have helped me out more then they needed, went above and beyond, they are such a blessing in my life. While living with them I managed to sustain four jobs at once. This led to no time with the kids and me being completely exhausted. Every minute/hour of my day was filled with work and no enjoyment for what I was working for, but I was motivated. Motivated to get past the situation I was in. The day I stopped working the one job at Ruby Tuesdays and I actually had Saturday afternoon off, I took the kids on a long hike. Watching them play reminded me what I was working for and what I have to look forward to. I prayed to God that evening, so grateful for giving me the opportunity to leave that job and make my hours work at the other shop, to finally enjoy time with the kids.

I now know how my Dad felt working 24/7 to support four kids and an obnoxiously expensive mother. Haha I have one job at the moment, which I enjoy very much. I am a service advisor at an automotive shop in Fredericksburg, VA. I love my job and the people who work with me. I do make decent money. Just wish I didn’t have to spend $1000 in childcare a month. Very thankful to have found this job and a great sitter who works with me. No matter how absent minded I am sometimes. Very content that I do only have to work one job, but most likely will take on a second again soon, so 1. I can get a better place and 2. Be able to save more for Jak^2.

Overall, to get my children and I in a safe and stable home is my goal.

Yes, I have my own place that I am renting from a co-worker, but it just doesn’t feel like home and won’t until life is stable, It won’t feel like home until I have more than just a one bedroom, so I can have my own space(not just the kitchen). It’s just not the same without having someone to come home to and to cook for and be with. I have always wanted that picture perfect family with the family dinners and game nights. I know God has his plan and path and this is just the beginning, so I am doing my best to make things work now. Grateful for the blessings in my life. I can truly say I am the happiest I have been in quite sometime. I don’t have to worry about the stress of where I will be living or how I will get around. All the worries that were left in Florida will stay there and be resolved over time by Gods will.

God, the one thing that has gotten me through all of this. Putting my trust in him has been the best thing. I praise him for the gifts and blessings he has given me, especially for all the incredible people he has placed in my life since I have been here. It has been an amazing journey thus far. There are truly amazing people in my life that I would never have met, had none of this happened. All the great times I’ve had recently from waterfalls, off-roading , getting stuck in the mud, to dinner, movies, or just chilling at chick-fil-a. Been a wonderful year. Now if only the IRS would just get me my return it would be even better. =] Its not their fault though, it was someone who wanted to try to prove a point, that pulled that one. Oh well.

However, there is something I don’t like about this situation for the main reason I want to be the one raising my children, with my morals and my values, with respect. Everything that I was taught I want to instil in them, but can’t and it breaks my heart day in and day out. In my heart I know if it was a stable environment and I was home, Jacob would not be acting up the way he does now. It could just be his age, but I feel it is my fault. It tears me apart to hear Jacob ask for daddy. To know that he understands and he is only three. He said last week, "Daddy’s gone". I asked "Well, where did he go?". He replied "daddy moved, he moved to florida." =/ To the pure fact he knew from just observance, ugh there is not much more I can say about that.

Last night I did breakdown, after I went out to dinner with the kids and my friends. At my age I should be going out to dinner, hanging out with friends, in college. Not have to worry about bills, sitters, and food for two other people, nor did I expect to do it alone. When I got married I didn’t think it would be peachy, but I thought I had found a man who would love, support and be a partner in the covenant of marriage. Not get cold feet three times and leave me. Five years of only one man I gave my heart to, my one and only that I wanted forever and always. Just sad to see something that was once so beautiful fall apart. no matter what I will still love him, since he was my first and the only person I have ever dated,plus the father of my children. I do not regret any moment and I don’t have any harsh feeling towards anyone or anything relating to the situation. I have a positive outlook and will continue moving forward in life and in faith.

I am a proud mother of two wonderful boys and a friend to some incredible individuals. I am thankful for what I have and help that has been given. Excited for the future adventures to come. =]<3

In the words of ol' Frankie "This Best is yet to come" =]
Sorry for the long post.