**I want to make a note about this passage before you read, at times it may sound negative, but I had no intent on it to be perceived that way. I am blessed everyday by Gods grace and believe in my heart I am being led down the best path. This was merely to get stuff off my chest instead of keeping it in.***

I’ve come a long way since I last wrote. Also, I’m a different person since then. It definitely hasn’t been the easiest road. I am glad to say I am doing well though. =] Since being ‘left’ in this wonderful state of Virginia, I have worked hard to support my children. I’m not perfect and there have been times where I have wanted to give up, but God keeps lifting me up and keeps me moving forward. The amazing Benson family took me in when I didn’t have anywhere else to go. They took me in, so I wasn’t living in the van with Jacob and Joseph, as we were doing while living in Florida. They have helped me out more then they needed, went above and beyond, they are such a blessing in my life. While living with them I managed to sustain four jobs at once. This led to no time with the kids and me being completely exhausted. Every minute/hour of my day was filled with work and no enjoyment for what I was working for, but I was motivated. Motivated to get past the situation I was in. The day I stopped working the one job at Ruby Tuesdays and I actually had Saturday afternoon off, I took the kids on a long hike. Watching them play reminded me what I was working for and what I have to look forward to. I prayed to God that evening, so grateful for giving me the opportunity to leave that job and make my hours work at the other shop, to finally enjoy time with the kids.

I now know how my Dad felt working 24/7 to support four kids and an obnoxiously expensive mother. Haha I have one job at the moment, which I enjoy very much. I am a service advisor at an automotive shop in Fredericksburg, VA. I love my job and the people who work with me. I do make decent money. Just wish I didn’t have to spend $1000 in childcare a month. Very thankful to have found this job and a great sitter who works with me. No matter how absent minded I am sometimes. Very content that I do only have to work one job, but most likely will take on a second again soon, so 1. I can get a better place and 2. Be able to save more for Jak^2.

Overall, to get my children and I in a safe and stable home is my goal.

Yes, I have my own place that I am renting from a co-worker, but it just doesn’t feel like home and won’t until life is stable, It won’t feel like home until I have more than just a one bedroom, so I can have my own space(not just the kitchen). It’s just not the same without having someone to come home to and to cook for and be with. I have always wanted that picture perfect family with the family dinners and game nights. I know God has his plan and path and this is just the beginning, so I am doing my best to make things work now. Grateful for the blessings in my life. I can truly say I am the happiest I have been in quite sometime. I don’t have to worry about the stress of where I will be living or how I will get around. All the worries that were left in Florida will stay there and be resolved over time by Gods will.

God, the one thing that has gotten me through all of this. Putting my trust in him has been the best thing. I praise him for the gifts and blessings he has given me, especially for all the incredible people he has placed in my life since I have been here. It has been an amazing journey thus far. There are truly amazing people in my life that I would never have met, had none of this happened. All the great times I’ve had recently from waterfalls, off-roading , getting stuck in the mud, to dinner, movies, or just chilling at chick-fil-a. Been a wonderful year. Now if only the IRS would just get me my return it would be even better. =] Its not their fault though, it was someone who wanted to try to prove a point, that pulled that one. Oh well.

However, there is something I don’t like about this situation for the main reason I want to be the one raising my children, with my morals and my values, with respect. Everything that I was taught I want to instil in them, but can’t and it breaks my heart day in and day out. In my heart I know if it was a stable environment and I was home, Jacob would not be acting up the way he does now. It could just be his age, but I feel it is my fault. It tears me apart to hear Jacob ask for daddy. To know that he understands and he is only three. He said last week, "Daddy’s gone". I asked "Well, where did he go?". He replied "daddy moved, he moved to florida." =/ To the pure fact he knew from just observance, ugh there is not much more I can say about that.

Last night I did breakdown, after I went out to dinner with the kids and my friends. At my age I should be going out to dinner, hanging out with friends, in college. Not have to worry about bills, sitters, and food for two other people, nor did I expect to do it alone. When I got married I didn’t think it would be peachy, but I thought I had found a man who would love, support and be a partner in the covenant of marriage. Not get cold feet three times and leave me. Five years of only one man I gave my heart to, my one and only that I wanted forever and always. Just sad to see something that was once so beautiful fall apart. no matter what I will still love him, since he was my first and the only person I have ever dated,plus the father of my children. I do not regret any moment and I don’t have any harsh feeling towards anyone or anything relating to the situation. I have a positive outlook and will continue moving forward in life and in faith.

I am a proud mother of two wonderful boys and a friend to some incredible individuals. I am thankful for what I have and help that has been given. Excited for the future adventures to come. =]<3

In the words of ol' Frankie "This Best is yet to come" =]
Sorry for the long post.